One of the things I found hard after losing our daughters was how quickly it felt like they had ‘disappeared’ from our lives. For this reason, I felt that it was important to find ways of incorporating them into our home in a lasting, physical way. Even though they are no longer with us, they are still part of our family, and to me it feels right that our family home should reflect them in some way.
To do this, I didn’t want to turn our home into some sort of shrine (and I didn’t want to make it weird or too ‘in-your-face’ for guests in our home either). Instead, I found ways of incorporating little reminders of them into each room of our house, so that whereever we were, there would be glimpses of them.
Because we lost our daughters in the second trimester, I had already started gathering items for their nursery. We had even started clearing out their room – we were just about to set everything up in preparation for their arrival. So rather than leaving all the nursery items piled up as a painful reminder, I have now given those items places in other rooms. An art print I had chosen for their wall now hangs in my office so I can be inspired by it while I work from home. The pouf (above) that I had bought for putting my feet up while feeding is now in our lounge where I can still use it on a daily basis. The little sidetable I’d intended to hold the necessary stock of items for feeds now also sits beside the couch in our lounge. Their name plaques hang on our bedroom wall.
Repurposing these items from their nursery gives us physical, visual reminders of our daughters. The significance of these items won’t be obvious to other people, but they are meaningful to us. And most importantly, now our home reflects them in some small ways. Our home is their home too.